Rush Limbaugh, in keeping with his position as America's Annoyingest Contrarian, insists on saying stupid-ass things about how awesome the Gulf Coast oil spill is.  Because it's funny!  SO funny.  Even though this spill could become one of our country's worst environmental catastrophes, and even though eleven people lost their lives in the initial explosion, and even though the slick directly threatens Palm Beach (where Rush has his primary residence) that can't stop the funny!

For certain values of "funny."

First, on a more serious note, Rush wants us to know that he thinks environmentalists are the ones who caused this problem in the first place.  The fact that the oil rig blew up on Earth Day was too rich a coincidence to not be a conspiracy.  Yes, because what environmentalist wouldn't want to blow up an oil rig to celebrate Earth Day?  Sheesh, people, even the ELF only sets fire to EMPTY McMansions.

Rush also wants you to know that this oil spill isn't actually a problem.  "The ocean will take care of this on its own if it was left alone and left out there," Limbaugh said. "It's natural. It's as natural as the ocean water is."

This is an interesting point.  It's true that oil is natural.  Meaning that we didn't create it in a laboratory, I guess.  But surely there are some natural things which belong in one place and not another?  For example, farts are natural, but I doubt Rush wants them in his beer.  Hemlock is natural, but you wouldn't want it in your salad.  Lead and mercury are natural, but they don't belong in drinking water.

Arguing that "it's as natural as the ocean water is" is idiotic at best, and aggressively idiotic at worst.  Of course, he is beholden to make his sweetie look good.  How can you lick Sarah Palin's shoes if you admit that a massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico is kind of a bad thing?  

"Drill Baby Drill"  is a slogan without caveats. It's not "Drill Baby Drill (But Keep A Reasonable Safety Record)" or  "Drill Baby Drill (But Have An Emergency Plan In Place In Case Of Catastrophic Failure)."

But enough with the serious talk.  Who can be serious about something which is apparently so inherently hilarious?

"Oil-covered birds on fire are just another way to describe dinner. It's called barbecue pits.  Grills."

Yum!  I look forward to Rush Limbaugh's next barbecue, featuring squab basted in crude oil.  Also, I expect his barbecue to be interesting, since he apparently grills his animals alive.  

On the other hand, if Rush wants to eat us out of this problem, as he hints in that quote, then more power to him.  How absorbent is he, anyway?  I mean, he's lost a lot of weight lately.  But hey, give it a shot, man.

The problem is that Rush simply can't treat this situation with the respect it deserves, because that would undercut his decades of history belittling and dismissing any and all environmental concerns.