Welcome to the future according to Rush Limbaugh!  I hope you are under the age of 60.  If you are over the age of 60 and you get sick - be it breast cancer or a minor abrasion - you will be put to sleep like an elderly house cat.

I mean, the government agents interview you and all, but they always decide the same thing.  It's cheaper to kill people than to give them medicine.  Once you're past a certain point, you're not going to be contributing to the state, so why bother keeping you around?

Speaking of contributing, I'm sure you have noticed that our taxes are now hovering around 80%.  For every 100 dollars you earn, you get to keep $20.  But it's okay, because you would have spent the other $80 on the stuff we give you for "free" so it all works out!  I hope you enjoy the crosswalk.  It is painted fresh every day for your convenience.

We used to have the best health care system in the world.  And it was all so shiny and clean, because no one could afford to use it!  Well, some people used it, but they all went bankrupt after they got the bill.  Anyway, those amazing bits of machinery and high tech equipment were taken apart and used to build SUVs for the poor.  I think everyone deserves to have an SUV, don't you?  And an SUV built out of a scrapped MRI machine is an amazing thing to see, believe you me.

Naturally you won't hear about that, though, because the state-controlled media is too busy reporting on Our Brave Leader and what he had for breakfast.  Have you seen Our Brave Leader's tie today?  It is very attractive!  It will be mandatory apparel for all male Americans between the age of 12 and 72 tomorrow.  That is how we roll.  We follow Our Brave Leader's every whim.

Speaking of Our Brave Leader, I hope you won't think less of him for having exterminated the --------s.  (We are not allowed to speak their name, which is why I use the dashes.)  The problem is, those -------s were both costly and troublesome on a national level.  It is much better, now that they are gone.

Oh if only we had heeded the teabagger posters, with a Hitler mustache drawn on Obama's face!  If only we had listened when Rush Limbaugh told us that Obama was Hitler!  IF ONLY WE HAD LISTENED.  We could have avoided our shining fate.

Our rich people are the ones who suffered the most.  The poor things.  They were boiled down and their rendered fat was turned into soap, with which we wash the feet of the poor.  It's only fair, don't you think?  Our Brave Leader thinks so.  And none of us would ever question Our Brave Leader.

Speaking of which, I see by the clock that it is time for me to check into the internment camp.  I filled out my census form, you see.  And of course, by federal edict, every American who fills out a census form will be sent to an internment camp.  If only I had put "Corellian" on the Racial: Other field instead of "white"!

IF ONLY I HAD LISTENED TO RUSH.

Creative Commons-licensed image courtesy of Flickr user Fibonacci Blue